April 2, 2013
I haven’t felt like blogging lately, probably because this blog has Dead Mom all over it, UGH. I used to know a woman who abandoned her blog and started a new one on a different platform every time she broke up with someone — she was like, Oh, well, Livejournal didn’t have all the features I needed, and then with Blogspot I had some issue with comment moderation, and then my Typepad blog was really meant to be more professional, you know? So I started a Tumblr. When really it was that she didn’t want to look at pictures of herself and old whatsisface taking a bite from the same ice cream cone, so she started over somewhere else, where she could post pictures of herself and new whatsisface getting matching tattoos. (Tattoos, by the way = not as easy to delete as blogs.)
I want to abandon this blog, even though just typing the word abandon brings up such an awful twisting grief in me. The blog anthropomorphs into a crying, bewildered child — Please, please don’t abandon me! Seriously, I can ascribe human emotions to anything, which is why I have to be careful to use our oatmeal bowls equally often, and not always use the dark blue one, which is the one I suspect I theoretically might like best, if it were possible for me to consider liking one over the others. I am a sucker for anguish, and anguish sucks.
So the idea is to turn the beat around! Got to hear percussion! Turn it upside down! Love to hear it, love to hear it! *~*~*Dance break*~*~* ^^^Okay, dance break over, stop dancing now.^^^ No, yeah. So the idea is to like BE HAPPPY, and yes I’m aware that that’s happpy with three p’s, but that’s one of those joyful typographic accidents the universe allows us to create and then embrace, so the Great Spirit commands that everybody get the fuck with it and embrace the three p’s! Which brings up a very important formative memory of mine, springing from my early adulthood here in New York City, when there was a late-night phone sex commercial for 1-900-GOT-PEEE that ran about every ten minutes between 1 and 5 a.m. every night, wherein a sexy female voiceover informed you that “the extra ‘e’ [was] for extra pee!” Thus: I’m happpy with an extra pee!
Truth is, though, things are actually quite all right over here. I’ve been working on a number of projects that are not this blog, including a collection of “pieces,” SCARE QUOTES IN ALL CAPS, and I’ll be posting some excerpts over the next few weeks. I kind of feel like crap but I kind of feel okay at the same time, but I don’t want anybody to think I’m not in constant utter despair, because I believe that constant utter despair is what is warranted from all sentient and feeling beings. But I also don’t want to be the ultrabummer, which is like the unabomber, except less fun at parties.
This is going REALLY WELL so far, wouldn’t you say?